hmmm...

ok. Im a little homesick. maybe more than a little. i just got back to Santiago yesterday morning from a week in California with my family for christmas. It was so great to be there and to spend time watching movies, eating a great big dominican dinner for christmas eve, going through all of our family traditions that I would have hated to miss. It was such a relief to just slow down and let myself turn off 'survival mode' - not having to constantly ask questions, struggle to find the right words, worry about things working out, or navigate anything (except I-5 from the saftey and comfort of my own car).

being home i think also made me realize what a different world i live in here, and how far away i really am from everyone i care about. of course its nice to be connected by emails and skype (best invention ever) but i couldnt help but feel that the world at "home" was slipping right by me and most of all, without me, while im busy being a little dot treading water in a huge south american sea. a happy little dot most of the time but still... it was hard to get on a plane to come back to a place where i dont have close friends yet and it seems like things take twice as long and are twice as hard to do. i've always loved the challenge of living abroad and finding myself in the middle of a new and challenging situation, its almost like a game. the harder it is, the more exciting it is when i figure it out, or find a place for myself. right now, i kind of want to take my toys and go home.

i know this feeling will pass like it always does, especially once the holidays are over but for now im kind of stuck ... one of my roomates asked today why i was so unusually quiet, was i sad? mad? plotting world domination? At which point i laughed and then started to cry right into my bowl of spinach fettucini.